Today I had to teach Gospel Essentials/Principles, whatever it is. Fortunately Jared was kind enough to come with me because for the first 15 minutes we were the only 2 there. Slowly the other two sister ward missionaries came in and we asked a friend in the hall to join us. This time the lesson was on Faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ which is a billion times easier than preparing a lesson on the Priesthood. It worked out nice and was a great topic for me as I am preparing to share my baby with the world.

In so many ways I am excited for myself and this new chapter in my life. Everyone keeps asking me what I will do and I am busy just trying to figure out how I will fit it all in. I will spend 2 hours a day picking up/dropping off the kids and an hour in the morning getting them and their lunches ready. After a few weeks we will be back to the normal homework, eat dinner, bedtime routine with me balancing helping out 3 kids during the same time (Last year homework time got crazy with 2). In 3 weeks Elijah and Jared start Scouts again and although we don't have anyone signed up yet there will probably be sports with Xander and Elijah playing different sports with differing schedules and locations. I would like to go to the temple way more often, but I am starting to think my goal of once a week may have been over reaching a bit. I am sad that my body seems to have a plan of visiting doctors regularly (don't worry, nothing's wrong) and hope that it breaks the habit sooner rather than later. I want to volunteer at the school spending time in each of the boys' classrooms each week, but that won't start for another 2 weeks. I plan on being a reading buddy for at least one student and would love to provide the service for more than that. I was hoping to fill more service assignments from our ward, but the most recent sign-ups included starting at 8 which isn't an option for me. I want to get my house under control or at least give my best effort. I still have my visiting teaching assignments, errands and everything else that Maxwell was just along for the ride for. I have my blog to maintain and a sister to visit. I have my sweetie (Jared, in case you are wondering) who I would like to go to lunch with regularly. We have dates planned for Friday of his last 2 4 day work weeks. Basically I think I will spend the next 2 months figuring out what I can't do.

Jared asked me if I was going to start classes again but I think I first have to get my house and my health under some sort of control, then I can think about finally finishing up some degrees.

I am going to miss my Maxwell and I worry about how shy he is and his social anxiety. It is hard to see your child struggle with something that they can't explain. I have never told him that he is shy since I don't want him to take that on as his identity. I try to talk to him about when he gets nervous or cries but he has no words to explain it to me. Today we were having a serious talk and he told me he was confused and didn't know how to explain the why. My heart aches for him because even as an adult I have no way to explain the why with my social anxiety. I know what it feels like but I have no known logical or emotional reason why I have that anxiety and shyness. I remember the relief I felt as a teenager when I found out my dad was also shy. He had just made regular active choices to not let it hold him back and since then I too make active decisions which contradict my shyness. I plan on having the same talk with Max when he is older.

Logically and emotionally Maxwell is so excited to start Kindergarten. We have been counting down this day for over a year, but there have been a few extra tears that have fallen without him understanding the why. His teachers are awesome though. We did some role playing as a family to help him practice saying hi and looking at his teachers and making friends with the other students. I went over questions he could ask kids to get to know them. I asked Max what he would like to know about the other kids. I talked to him about how the teachers would show him what to do and if he ever didn't know or got scared he could ask his teachers.

We met his teachers last week and it killed me to see him looking down when they were talking to him and not verbalizing his responses to their questions. He was so excited the day before to go to "Meet the Teachers".

Tomorrow morning I am trying to be out of the house by 7:15. I am hoping that is soon enough to get a parking space so I can take Maxwell to class and go to the Kindergarten Parents' Meet and Greet. I wasn't able to do that for Xander since we weren't early enough for a parking space so I hope that turns out to be early enough. We have the backpacks ready and labeled and the clothes laid out. Here's to a great year of school!